There were some obvious problems for me in the recent opinion editorial on feminism, which rhetorically relied on a few pretty big assumptions and generalizations. I am not convinced that feminism expressed via social media and celebrity rant are the most accurate barometers for contemporary feminism as a whole; however, the merits of contemporary feminism and the imperfect nature of the women’s march are not what have me rattled. The author chides supposed abortion-loving feminists for thinking women who are “adamantly against abortion” are “ignorant,” saying sarcastically, “I mean, how dare you oppose snuffing a life out at will.”
This is the issue that angers me—the continued reductive conversation about abortion, in which judgment supersedes understanding. When life begins is a complicated scientific, philosophical, religious and/or moral issue; whose life comes first is a complicated medical, philosophical and/or moral issue; why someone chooses to have an abortion is a complicated medical, philosophical and/or moral issue. What I want to ask in the face of a seemingly black and white, either/or view of abortion is: Have you spoken to a woman or a couple who have made the painful decision to have an abortion? Have you asked what circumstances contributed to making that decision? Have you asked how they felt about it then and how they feel about it now? Have you asked a woman what it feels like, physically, to have an abortion? Have you asked a woman what she felt, thought or feared on that day? Have you asked a woman what it feels like emotionally to consider the option, make the decision, go through with it and then live with it? Have you asked for, heard and attempted to understand those stories? If you haven’t, then you should, and hopefully, it will give you cause for consideration. If you have, and you are still using inflammatory and judgmental language, then I’m not sure where the conversation goes from there.
Being pro-life is not synonymous with being anti-choice, and being pro-choice does not mean you are anti-life, but the rhetoric therein will see it no other way. I have close friends who have spoken eloquently, more eloquently than I’m doing here to be sure, about being religious, conservative women who attempt to understand the circumstances in which people make the difficult choice to end a pregnancy. And they might not choose that option for themselves, but they are thankful for the right to make that decision for themselves, would not make it for anyone else and refrain from judging from afar.
Standing by one’s beliefs shouldn’t mean tearing down the other side by asserting one’s moral superiority as someone who would never “[snuff] a life out at will.” If you think the decision to have an abortion is easy, or a mere matter of will or something done with no consideration for the enormity and gravity of the situation, then you are not someone who has heard enough stories from people who have been through it. But that’s the problem. We haven’t asked for their stories, and often they are afraid to tell them. We have the right to stand by our beliefs, and we certainly don’t have to agree, but the perpetuation of reductive and judgmental rhetoric only threatens our ability to ever understand where someone else is coming from.