Over the last several months since Netflix released “13 Reasons Why,” social media has erupted.
At first, I was thrilled to see so many showing interest in the show. I had read the novel by Jay Asher a few years after it came out in 2007, and with the show I found myself hoping that it would give the audience a glimpse into the potential of our actions and words. My apparently naive self thought that maybe with so many watching, Hannah Baker’s fictional life and story would translate to reality. That people may start treating others better because they’d realize that you don’t ever really know the true effects that words or actions can cause. The world of social media and memes proved me wrong.
For anyone who hasn’t seen the show or read the book, “13 Reasons Why” is about a young girl named Hannah Baker who ended her own life after being the subject of tremendous torment and bullying. Prior to her death she created a set of 13 tapes, each containing one of the 13 reasons – and people – that contributed to her suicide. The reasons ranged from a betrayal of friendship, to a sexual assault, to loving a boy that was too afraid to love her back.
The television series drew in viewers immediately upon its release, and it was then that social media blew up with “comedians” who mistook joking about suicide for humor. With links that advertise “funny ‘13 Reasons Why’ memes” and “if you’re a fan of this show, then you’ve got to check these [memes] out!” bring up thousands of jokes in regards to Baker’s tapes. Many of the jokes include situations along the lines of someone not having a pencil or piece of gum and the other responding with “welcome to your tape.” While it may not seem like anything major to most people, it can be to someone else. Suicide isn’t a topic that should ever be joked about and people need to reevaluate what they say before they say it because words can and do hurt. This is someone’s life, not a skit on Saturday Night Live, so stop making light of it.
While I don’t think that most of the memes or jokes directed towards the show or the tapes were ever intended to hurt someone or mock suicide, I do think that anyone who has posted or said or even laughed at them completely missed both Jay Asher’s and the show’s creators’ point entirely.
Hannah Baker’s story is not “just some book” or “a made up show.” Baker is any one of us (the problem is, we don’t always know who that ‘one’ is, which is why we should be more sensitive). She is the new kid. The child trying to make her parents proud. Someone who just wants to be loved. The teenager caught in the harsh reality of high school and society. She is the misunderstood. The silenced. The voiceless. The one looking for just one reason to stay. Hannah Baker could be your neighbor or your lab partner or even your little sister. Hannah Baker could be you.
Suicide and depression are mental illnesses and no matter how hard someone tries, they don’t just go away. Just because you can’t see the chemical imbalance in someone’s brain, doesn’t mean it’s not there. It doesn’t mean that they can “just smile” and everything is okay. Someone with cancer can’t just “walk it off” or “rub some dirt on it” and neither can a person with a mental illness. There is no magic cure or special pill that gives its victim a normal life. Someone who is suffering through depression or has been bullied or struggles with suicidal thoughts can be just as affected by a “simple” or “harmless” “joke” as they can be by any physical harm. It may not seem like a big deal to anyone on the outside looking in, but maybe you should try taking a step inside and see things from their side.
“13 Reasons Why” was not created to be a punchline. It was created to change us, to change our attitudes. And it should. It should force anyone who reads or watches to be more aware of their words and their actions. It should make you want to be more sympathetic and understanding. That doesn’t mean you have to be friends with everyone, it just means that we should all try a heck of a lot harder to not put others down or point out their differences or make someone feel bad just because “we can” or because “it’s funny.” It should make us see that you never truly understand what someone is going through. So instead of assuming, get to know them. Discover who they really are.
You have a choice.
You can either read this and be a Bryce Walker by thinking you and your actions are above everyone else. Or, you can be a Clay Jensen and own up to your mistakes and try harder. Understand. Help. Be better. That’s the point of the show. To force us to realize that the same things brushed off and looked past might be someone else’s entire world.
Now if you still think it’s funny to “welcome someone to their tape” or that I am “missing the joke” then I only have one thing left to say – I didn’t miss the joke, you missed the whole point. So don’t be someone’s reason why, be someone’s reason why not.